I should have known. Take Heed.

What is it with you men? And women.

If you know he or she is isn’t a great person, why do you give him or her the time of day?

No, it isn’t because of desperation. No, it isn’t because of low self esteem (although if you stay in it long enough, you will inevitably develop the disease of LSE, Low Self Esteem)

It is because you have chosen to love the unlovable. You have made the active decision to put your own feelings aside and do whatever necessary to milk that other person back to health, despite your own short comings. You decided to be the person who everyone looks down upon as if you have done something wrong.

All because you chose to love an unlovable.

Even the unlovable deserve to be loved; maybe at a distance? I have been guilty of loving the unlovable because I am, by nature, a nurturer. But who nurtures the nurturer when they need to be nurtured?

No one. The unlovable that the nurturer has devoted their entire being to is nowhere to be found. The unlovable proves exactly why so many people steer away and elect to not love the unlovable.

Still, many like me continue to love and have faith in that person. We always hope for the best and despite all of the problems that may have come from loving the unlovable, we still wish for the unlovable to be part of our lives. Because as stated before, we love those who others just do not have the patience to love unconditionally.

The hardest part of loving such a person is the fact that at any given point, we as the lovers of these folks will inevitably lose ourselves. We become so engulfed with their very existence of trying to mold them into the person we know they can be and will be, we lose who WE are.

Add in there molding and sculpting the unlovable into a person worthy of acceptance by most everyone else to only have that person leave. You worked so hard to help better that person and they just leave.

 

But that’s okay. It’s not YOU. You must understand that despite, the takeaway is that you aided in making someone else a better person in some regard. That is what we are supposed to do right? Be selfless. Love others. Be kind. Do good things and good things come back to you.

Yes. Those things are true.

But no one explained how difficult the outcome will be for the person who selflessly gave to make the other person a better person. No one mentioned that it is indeed a lie that always doing good things for others will bring good things to you.

Do not fall for it.

It is a lie.

Constantly doing good for those who need it the most are the very ones who will bring you out of character if you are there for too long hoping, wishing and helping. The good you are doing will eventually suck you dry of all emotions and hope. Never being on the receiving end of good doings will make you a very sad bitter person. You will resent the person that you once loved so dearly and resent the person who gets to enjoy the fruits of your hard labor.

No, it isn’t fair.

And yes, Karma is real.

Let her do her magic and stop being so good to people….

 

 

The trials and tribulations. Of life.

I am back. If ever so briefly.

Boy has life changed since the last time I was on here! I now have a new addition to my family (my beautiful new 5 month old daughter Sofia) and I have finally finished my collegiate adventure. (Fifteen long years later…)

And I am now after almost ten years, about to move on to another place of employment. I cannot say I will miss my current job at all, but I will certainly miss about six of you who work with me.

I have not completely given up my dream on being a prolific writer for some nationally acclaimed magazine or news paper. I have just put it on pause for the moment until you, yes you….decide that I am exactly who you need to fulfill the job.

It appears to be I will not be moving to New York as I wanted for so many years…unless of course, something happens in the next few years that just takes me there…

Man, we have a lot to talk about…

Why.

There is no relationship in the entire universe that is absolutely perfect.

Well, unless you happen to be Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake. Or Barack and Michelle Obama. Other than that, no we cannot possibly have a perfect relationship. Really nothing even close to perfection. It doesn’t happen.

One thing that can happen is a mutual respect for one another and a drive to try to make it something worthwhile. Talking shit to your significant other is okay if the one being talked to is okay with it. If your significant other has made it painfully clear that he or she does not like being talked to in a condescending manner, then don’t do it.

Just. Don’t. Do. It.

End of story. You can save yourself a lot of wasted time and energy of one of the parties being angry with you. So why continue to do it if you know it bothers the other person? Is it a narcissistic character flaw within yourself that tells you it is okay to belittle someone when they have all but begged you to stop? You may think it is funny or fun and games but the other person does not.

What kind of a douche bag are you really though?

Here is my advice to you king or queen douche bag:

Stop it. Stop talking to your significant other as if he or she is beneath you or completely worthless to you and humanity at large.

I promise if you do, life will be so much more enjoyable for you…….

{if i could turn back time; i would.}

Somehow if the heavens allowed, I would most certainly turn back the hands of time and resist. I would tell you of the heartbreak you will end up causing me. I would prevent my heart and soul from being shredded into a million pieces with half of them being torn so small that it will be impossible to put them back together.

 

There would be a warning. You wouldn’t even have the chance to put me through the bullshit I’ve gone through. I should certainly take a hint to your lack of caring by the fact that every single time I have a concern; any time my emotions are involved and I want to talk to you about it you somehow turn it into me living for drama. Who else am I supposed to talk to?

I guess not you.

You don’t want to hear it…yet you don’t want to prove anything. You continue to act like I am the one who did you wrong. You act like I am the one who left the relationship in shambles…you continuously act as if I am the one who cheated on YOU and made active plans to move in with someone else….without letting you know anything. You act like I am the one who messed up a seemingly great relationship.

I guess that was me living in a serious case of denial. A fantasy that will never be attainable. I am still in fact that woman that every man dreams of, the woman that any man would love to have but no man ever wants to keep. I am not good enough for that.

Why EVER would a man want a woman who is faithful, home every day, makes sure there’s breakfast, lunch and dinner….loves him unconditionally. What man would want a woman who will love him and genuinely be there no matter what?

No man. No man would ever want someone like me because evidently I am too good to any man I have ever dated. I have never cheated on anyone I have dated. Never even had the DESIRE to do so…why?

Because when I love I fucking love hard.

But it seems to be that I continue to find the ones who only want to use me. Use me for what they can get out of me then once boredom sets in they keep it moving. While with me.

I swear to God, I will cheat on the next man I date. Never again will I be faithful….

heroin. your new girlfriend.

I now fully believe once an addict, always an addict. There’s no aiding the repair of a heroin addict. In any way. This is an addiction that will ruin one’s entire existence. Make them lose everyone who gives a flying fuck about them, make them lose everything they have.

For what?

A temporary high?

It always puzzles me why the hell ANYONE would even TRY heroin…it’s not like a drug that people have ever said, yeah let’s try this. We won’t get hooked….said no one ever. Marijuana is something different, not an addictive drug. But heroin? You are a complete moron to even entertain the idea you WON’T GET HOOKED.

Unfortunately I have lost a boyfriend to heroin. Heroin is his girlfriend. Heroin is the love of his life. It is no longer me. I don’t believe it was ever me for that matter.

I am sick of the arguing. I am sick of the distrust. I am sick of being stolen from. I am sick of being cheated on not only with a nasty whore, but with his drug of choice…..

 

HEROIN. 

so sick of love songs.

Ne-yo clearly knew what he was talking about when he said he was so sick of love songs.

I have been put through shit that I never thought I would be drug through. This man who I loved left me for a druggie prostitute. A 34 year old “woman” who would be easily mistaken for a 60 year old any day. A woman who lost custody of all three of her children. He left me for her and of course everything was volatile with the two of them at all times. To the point where he was locked up for a week behind a situation with her. He was barred from contacting her in any capacity…I told him the condition of him being here is that he doesn’t contact her either.

What does he do?

He continues to contact her. He continues to see her regularly. He continues to tell her that he loves her and that he wants to marry her. Tells me that he says this stuff to her as bullshit…to get what he wants. This same man who would never go anywhere with me, do anything with me will go out to the mall for two and three hours at a time with her. With this woman who he isn’t even supposed to be seeing. This was just one day ago.

What infuriates me that much more is that I was good to him. I never dated anyone the entire time he was out fucking around with her. I never even attempted to date anyone while he was planning on moving in with this psychotic bitch who he said he love. I was encouraged to go on dates, to see other people because evidently that is what would help me get over him.

But what did I do?

I didn’t see anyone. I didn’t attempt to date anyone….I stuck around and hoped and prayed shit would work out with him. As he continued to see her. He continued to talk to her and make it known to her that she is the one he wants. He continues to say to me, I was just saying it because I needed something from her. I said it to keep her happy.

Yet he does absolutely NOTHING to try to keep me happy. The one who has constantly been there through all of this shit and stuck by his side. Nothing is ever done to make or keep me happy. But in my stupidity I continue to stay. I continued to stick by his side and take the bullshit hoping that one day soon things would change. In an text message that was forwarded to me, he called her his wife. He said he loves his wife…

He might’ve verbally said those things to me, but never like he does to her.

Everyday it gets worse and worse rather than better than better.

That’s what makes me an idiot.