{if i could turn back time; i would.}

Somehow if the heavens allowed, I would most certainly turn back the hands of time and resist. I would tell you of the heartbreak you will end up causing me. I would prevent my heart and soul from being shredded into a million pieces with half of them being torn so small that it will be impossible to put them back together.

 

There would be a warning. You wouldn’t even have the chance to put me through the bullshit I’ve gone through. I should certainly take a hint to your lack of caring by the fact that every single time I have a concern; any time my emotions are involved and I want to talk to you about it you somehow turn it into me living for drama. Who else am I supposed to talk to?

I guess not you.

You don’t want to hear it…yet you don’t want to prove anything. You continue to act like I am the one who did you wrong. You act like I am the one who left the relationship in shambles…you continuously act as if I am the one who cheated on YOU and made active plans to move in with someone else….without letting you know anything. You act like I am the one who messed up a seemingly great relationship.

I guess that was me living in a serious case of denial. A fantasy that will never be attainable. I am still in fact that woman that every man dreams of, the woman that any man would love to have but no man ever wants to keep. I am not good enough for that.

Why EVER would a man want a woman who is faithful, home every day, makes sure there’s breakfast, lunch and dinner….loves him unconditionally. What man would want a woman who will love him and genuinely be there no matter what?

No man. No man would ever want someone like me because evidently I am too good to any man I have ever dated. I have never cheated on anyone I have dated. Never even had the DESIRE to do so…why?

Because when I love I fucking love hard.

But it seems to be that I continue to find the ones who only want to use me. Use me for what they can get out of me then once boredom sets in they keep it moving. While with me.

I swear to God, I will cheat on the next man I date. Never again will I be faithful….

heroin. your new girlfriend.

I now fully believe once an addict, always an addict. There’s no aiding the repair of a heroin addict. In any way. This is an addiction that will ruin one’s entire existence. Make them lose everyone who gives a flying fuck about them, make them lose everything they have.

For what?

A temporary high?

It always puzzles me why the hell ANYONE would even TRY heroin…it’s not like a drug that people have ever said, yeah let’s try this. We won’t get hooked….said no one ever. Marijuana is something different, not an addictive drug. But heroin? You are a complete moron to even entertain the idea you WON’T GET HOOKED.

Unfortunately I have lost a boyfriend to heroin. Heroin is his girlfriend. Heroin is the love of his life. It is no longer me. I don’t believe it was ever me for that matter.

I am sick of the arguing. I am sick of the distrust. I am sick of being stolen from. I am sick of being cheated on not only with a nasty whore, but with his drug of choice…..

 

HEROIN.