so sick of love songs.

Ne-yo clearly knew what he was talking about when he said he was so sick of love songs.

I have been put through shit that I never thought I would be drug through. This man who I loved left me for a druggie prostitute. A 34 year old “woman” who would be easily mistaken for a 60 year old any day. A woman who lost custody of all three of her children. He left me for her and of course everything was volatile with the two of them at all times. To the point where he was locked up for a week behind a situation with her. He was barred from contacting her in any capacity…I told him the condition of him being here is that he doesn’t contact her either.

What does he do?

He continues to contact her. He continues to see her regularly. He continues to tell her that he loves her and that he wants to marry her. Tells me that he says this stuff to her as bullshit…to get what he wants. This same man who would never go anywhere with me, do anything with me will go out to the mall for two and three hours at a time with her. With this woman who he isn’t even supposed to be seeing. This was just one day ago.

What infuriates me that much more is that I was good to him. I never dated anyone the entire time he was out fucking around with her. I never even attempted to date anyone while he was planning on moving in with this psychotic bitch who he said he love. I was encouraged to go on dates, to see other people because evidently that is what would help me get over him.

But what did I do?

I didn’t see anyone. I didn’t attempt to date anyone….I stuck around and hoped and prayed shit would work out with him. As he continued to see her. He continued to talk to her and make it known to her that she is the one he wants. He continues to say to me, I was just saying it because I needed something from her. I said it to keep her happy.

Yet he does absolutely NOTHING to try to keep me happy. The one who has constantly been there through all of this shit and stuck by his side. Nothing is ever done to make or keep me happy. But in my stupidity I continue to stay. I continued to stick by his side and take the bullshit hoping that one day soon things would change. In an text message that was forwarded to me, he called her his wife. He said he loves his wife…

He might’ve verbally said those things to me, but never like he does to her.

Everyday it gets worse and worse rather than better than better.

That’s what makes me an idiot.

Sex with a White man? Different? Noo…

There was an interesting topic of conversation among some of my friends on Facebook yesterday. 

What was it you ask? 

What is sex like with a White man as opposed to a Black man? 

Oh yeah? Now you all know as an angry mixed lady, I couldn’t leave this one alone. Please forgive me if this post offends anyone….just kidding! If you can’t take it then go put on your big kid panties and keep it moving! My own personal experience has been hearing Black women say things like, “I just can’t do it…they’re too small…” or things like, “I can’t see myself with a “pink” penis…” 

What in the entire hell are you TALKING about? How can you actually sit back and say with confidence that a White man’s penis is too small if in fact you’ve never allowed yourself to experience this for yourself? It literally makes me sick to hear such comments from women. Either way, my experience thus far is that of epic proportions. Currently I am seeing a man defined as being Caucasian. He is Italian, but by definition is White. Is he lacking in the personal area? Absolutely not! Matter of fact, I’d say he’s FAR better than any past escapade. His body is on point and he aims to please. Not just himself of course, but me. It’s never a rushed thing…never. Passionate and sensual and just generally amazing. 

Since meeting him and being with him intimately I will say I wholly prefer him over all else. Ladies before you jump on the “I don’t sleep with White men because their penis is small” train, do a little research and experiment a little. I am telling you….because I have known a couple of teeny peened Black men in my lifetime who would *never* have the opportunity to have any intimate parts of me again. 

Michael Antonio Bohorquez

…I don’t know if this was a good dream or a bad one: 

I don’t know where I was, but what I know is that I was told Michael Bohorquez was alive…disabled but alive. So I sought out to find him. I did find him…and my grandma was there. She warned me that he may or may not be responsive but it might do him some good to see me. So I walked into a well lit room where he was laying on a bed resting. Not really responding to the person standing on the side of the bed. I crawled next to him and whispered in his ear, “Hey love…it’s me..I am here…and I won’t leave you ever again…” Next thing I knew he slowly turned his head towards me…without saying anything and smiled. Opened his eyes and smiled at me. 

Shortly after, he got up…hobbled across the room and talked to me. He smiled…he laughed. He was happy. 

I cried in my sleep…

I wish like hell I could hold you…touch you. I wish I could have SAVED you. 

Although we were both so young, so very young you loved me. Love is a word that is in my opinion purely subjective….and that is a word you learned with me to know. A word you learned to embrace. 

You actually loved me….I miss that so much. When you died, a small piece of me went with you….a longing just to have you back. I would damn near give ANYTHING just to hear your voice…one more time. 

JUST ONE MORE TIME. 

I think because of you, I learned to love and forgive. Learned to love unconditionally….because of you I give chance after chance even if undeserved. Because I have an innate fear of losing someone else I fell for…much like I did you. 

I cannot go through that again…

I just want to tell you one more time that I love you. And miss you so much….Image

Nigger: purely subjective.

nig·ger

 [nig-er]  Show IPA


The term nigger  is now probably the most offensive word in English. Its degree of offensiveness hasincreased markedly in recent years, although it has been used in a derogatory manner since at least theRevolutionary War. The senses labeled Extremely Disparaging and Offensive  represent meanings that aredeeply insulting and are used when the speaker deliberately wishes to cause great offense. It is soprofoundly offensive that a euphemism has developed for those occasions when the word itself must bediscussed, as in court or in a newspaper editorial: “the n-word.” 
 Despite this, the sense referring to a “black person” is sometimes used among African Americans in aneutral or familiar way. The sense referring to other victims of prejudice, especially when useddescriptively, as to denounce that prejudice, is not normally considered disparaging—as in “The Irish arethe niggers of Europe” from Roddy Doyle’s The Commitments —but the other uses are consideredcontemptuous and hostile.
noun

1.

Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive.

a.

a black person.
b.

a member of any dark-skinned people.
2.

Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive. a person of any race or origin regarded as contemptible,inferior, ignorantetc.
3.

a victim of prejudice similar to that suffered by blacks; a person who is economically, politically, orsocially disenfranchised.
Origin: 
1640–50;  < French nègre  < Spanish negro  black
This is by far the most offensive word ever coined in the American English language. Of course this is my personal opinion. I have been referred to as such by a trashy White woman on more than one occasion in the past two months. And I am quite frankly sick of it. This is a word deeply rooted in our history as one that evokes such emotions that it can get people killed. It is reminiscent of the days when Black people were referred to as this word regularly. Much like we use words like hello. The crazy part about it is I am clearly a MIXED ancestry person. And even if I wasn’t this is not a word that anyone should ever use to make reference to anyone in any circumstance.
This is a woman who I have a lot of deeply rooted hatred for…A woman who I wouldn’t pee on if she was on fire. A trashy druggie woman who not only lost custody of one child, but all THREE of her children and happens to live in hotels. A woman, and we’ll use that term very lightly in reference to her, who sells her vagina as means of income when she can’t get her father to pay for her escapades. A woman with a criminal wrap sheet longer than all of my current postings put together. Okay, it’s not that long but it’s pretty damned long.
But I tell you this, this whoreish bitch hasn’t heard the last of me. I won’t say anything to her, put my hands anywhere near her…but I for damn sure will allow the law to work in my favor in this case.
So to the whoreish bitch who continues to call me a nigger, you might want to look in the mirror one good time and re-evaluate your slinging of derogatory terms. I’m not finished with you yet….

{rumors: validation of some truth}

One of my unconventional thoughts at best right now; rumors are theoretically validations of some form of truth.

Right?

Because in essence, if there wasn’t some sort of truth at some point then there wouldn’t be much basis for a rumor. A stretched truth…I say take them all with a grain of salt. Who is to say what is truth and what is a rumor?

I could start a rumor right now about anyone; I could swear it off as a truth. Which in my mind, it is a truth. So because in my mind something is a truth and to others it’s a rumor does that make it nothing short of a truthful lie?

I say look at track records too. There are just some people who lie…lie for absolutely no reason. Or for plenty of reason. Their reason very well could be that they are in fact telling the truth, it’s just the person on the receiving end refuses to believe the truth or lie presented to them. I have had this happen far too much in my recent memory.