a daily struggle.

The definition of insanity according to the people who wrote the English dictionary is basically doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results whilst only achieving the same end results as before. 

Does this make me insane? 

To a degree I do believe I am. My last few posts have been evident of this. My poor little diary is being flooded with these short tales of heartbreak and deception. Not exactly sure how much pain one persons heart can endure better yet, how much pain one persons heart SHOULD endure. 

It makes it all that much worse when the person who did you wrong keeps doing the same thing to you. Just a little nicer this go round but the same thing nonetheless. I have continued to stick by your side through this whole ordeal. You cheated on me, moved on with the new “woman” and picked up a habit along the way. 

I forgave you and took you back.

I forgave you because I loved and love you. Past tense and present tense and I am so infuriated with myself every time I look into the mirror because of it. I simply said, just stay home…lay low until trust is built back. Or better yet, work hard on building that trust back. Yet every single day, you’re gone. Gone for an hour or more. Last night it was five hours and you came home, crawled in MY bed and acted like you had done nothing. FIVE HOURS. 

I question where you’ve been and you have the nerve to say you were in no rush to come home because I kept questioning you? You see, I forewarned you before I let you come back that I would be questioning you..until I could trust you.

It’s a daily struggle for me to justify to myself why the hell I am still dealing with you. I shouldn’t have to justify anything to myself to be frank. 

I absolutely HATE that I ever fell for you and that I have such a hard time getting you out of my life….

I wish you’d just go…because no matter how good of a woman I am to you, I’ll never be good enough for you.

One thought on “a daily struggle.

  1. Sounds to me like he will never be good enough for you! You are not insane. It sounds like you are optimistic and believe in this relationship, even when your partner takes you for granted. Clearly, he doesn’t get it, but you shouldn’t fault yourself for wanting to be loved. That is completely natural. Sorry for the unwarranted advice, I just couldn’t say nothing.

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