{there is something wrong with this picture.}

So this is my outlet. This is my corner where I run to when there’s something seriously bothering me.

This is where I go to vent; an online diary. Hence the reasoning for my title being the diary of a mad mixed lady. Two and a half facts here: one, it is my online diary for the world to read. Two, I am a mixed lady. Half, I am slightly mad. Not angry but mad.

Mad in a sense of, “Was she serious?!”

Yes, I was. Very serious.

There is a saying, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Who exactly is the idiot who thought this was a good idea? I mean, really…they are obviously the same people who coined the phrase money is the root of all evil and that money doesn’t make a person happy. Clearly that person was never broke living paycheck to paycheck or almost killed emotionally, mentally or physically. So you sir, can get the hell outta here with that notion. If that were indeed the case, I’d be bench pressing my car. No seriously…I’d be bench pressing a full-sized luxury sedan. After all of the bullshit I’ve been through in the past three months you’d think I could be in a strongman competition and actually win.

Against men.

I am a forgiving kind of lady…or at least I’d like to think I am. I fell in love last year. Mid year to be exact. I fell in love with a man who I didn’t think fell in love with me….I don’t question it now. But I did for a while as I found this man not to be faithful the majority of the end of the relationship. At the end, of course there was an outside influence. One that I nor he could honestly control without a hardcore internal fight within himself. Of course as predicted by yours truly, that situation with him ended badly. Very badly. But, he survived. However, in the back of my mind I cannot help but question the phrase “Old habits die-hard.” Does that mean that the prior behavior will be changed at the drop of a dime as suggested by the offending party? Does that mean I should believe every word spoken and every action presented right away? I am not sure. Always in the back of my head there will be the thought of an “action” relapse….that is until there’s an extended period of time where there is no “action” relapse happening.

What I have to see is a continued effort to win my heart again…because together, we can conquer the world.

We can be a force to be reckoned with…easily. No holds bar.