{Failure. is. an. option.}

I wish now I could turn back the hands of time and been more mature in my early twenties. If I could do that, I wouldn’t be in the predicament I am currently in. I can’t get a new job, I can’t do what I want to do as a job without a damn piece of paper saying that I know what I am talking about. Seriously though….education is such a waste of time and money.

I unfortunately am not one of the smart people who is so brilliant that I can pick up any kind of trade, do it super well and be financially comfortable. I am word smart yes, but that’s it. Five years government employee experience? That means nothing in the realm of the job market. I would’ve been a senior after this semester but of course because I decided to screw up my first two years I am now paying for it.

The past couple of semesters that I was enrolled at school I was eligible for financial aid….aid enough to help me pay for school and whatever supplies I would need for school (Travel, electronics whatever was needed…that hour and a half drive to school sometimes sucks….) However, I was also trying to study on my own for the most part and of course be the single mom. 2011 was the last year I attended school and I performed fairly well during that year up until the fall semester. I was going through some serious relationship downs and of course trying to focus on my daughters schooling too. Trying to mold her study skills into a solid foundation.

Of course that meant that my education took a slight hit in the worst way possible. I can’t move up in my job, there’s no possibility in sight of anything opening up and forget people who SAY they’ll help me get on board with something much better. All of you who have EVER said that are full of shit. FULL OF SHIT. I don’t mind working hard as that is what will make me appreciate all that I ever receive but am I really supposed to lose my grounding in the process of working my way up? How can you work your way up anywhere when one will constantly pay for mistakes made years before? Now, because of my screw ups in my grades, I am no longer eligible for a financial appeal…the time I need it most to come through. My hands are completely tied and I do not know what to do. Taking out a loan is NOT an option as my debt to income ratio will prevent that.

Stumbling block after stumbling block I elect to give up. I should probably quit my job, let my car get repossessed and live off the government like a great deal of people I know. They are living a much cushier life than I am right now and have the ability to stay home, finish school and then of course be a hell of a lot more successful than I EVER will be.

Failure is clearly an option for me….

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