think today is Tuesday. I am not terribly sure; sad, I know. My days are all a jumbled mess of crossing hours, minutes and seconds. I am having a very difficult time telling the difference between each day as they all pass so excruciatingly fast. As I get older, life flies by in lightning fast speed. I sit at my desk and wander aimlessly through my mind outside. Outside the glass window that separates me from the rest of the world. I long to be outside. Not exactly doing anything in particular, just free. Free of any care of the world. Free of any worries. Free from stress.
The sun was briefly peeping through the clouds this morning, just enough to tease our senses and offer up a glimpse of the coming sunny days. Today is a rainy day for more than one reasons for me. The manner in which the sun plays hide and go seek with the clouds is the way hope plays hide and go seek in my life.
Some days I feel helpless. Helpless to the point of pulling my hair out. Self loathing. It’s not unusual to feel like I’ve hit straight rock bottom, only to find that something else is peeking over the horizon to completely throw me off balance into the throngs of potential depression. I am generally a very happy and upbeat person, but there are just some days like these, blustery rainy days in the City of Oaks that just evoke such feelings of unhappiness and despair.
I am kind of sad right now. Kind of really sad actually and I don’t know how to fix it…