Insanity can be described by definition as continuously doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. So does that make us all a tad bit insane?
For once, it is very difficult for me to put exactly what I want to say into words. My heart is conflicting heavily with my mind and I don’t really know which to listen to. I am trying to reason with an insane person on the inside who says that I should keep myself guarded and not think so much (my mind that is) but the other side of me is saying throw yourself into it, you never know what might come out of it,…and then the what ifs. It’s a constant war of emotions within the realm of love and being in the vulnerable age group of the late 20’s. I always figured by now, I’d be happily married with 2.5 children in a beautiful cookie cutter home with a decent job, beautifully wonderful husband and sitting back with other married women doing what they do best.
Sadly, that is not the case. I am a single mom with a mediocre job, living in a very mediocre apartment and with some extreme feelings of hopelessness right now. A sudden wave of reality has hit me. I so badly want to leave. I want to start over…fresh. I want to be the new kid on the block and be an unknown. Generally speaking, I am happy. My little darling is what motivates me to do all that I do…and more. However, mommy wants to have someone else there.
Now before my in-box blows up with the multitudes of those who have “tried”, hear me out. If you were the one and there was that much of a bond, then you’d still be around. Clearly something was missing…
Not saying there’s anything wrong with you personally, we just don’t click.
I have met someone very recently that I really would love to be able to love one day. When in his presence everyone and everything else that doesn’t matter fades into an oblivion. In this very short period of time that we’ve interacted has been nothing below amazing on all levels. He’s a gentleman to me, is very aesthetically appealing and has goals and aspirations. We’ve just not been doing this tango for a long period of time and of course, me being very unsure of motives holds part of me back.
But just how long does it take before one or the other lets their wall collapse and enlightens the other on their feelings? How soon is really too soon to feel so smitten for another person that you cannot wait until the next opportunity of togetherness?
It is a bit upsetting when you don’t know if you can say anything of that sort to the other person because of the fear of running them away. *Shrugs* In due time. In due time. “They”, whoever “they” might be say that love comes at the most unexpected of times. This person definitely came at a very unexpected time. I actually NEVER saw any further interaction coming…
Now I can’t seem to get him off of my mind.
Does that really mean love at first sight exist?