I am just me.

I do not classify myself as a leader or even a follower. I am that middle person. I walk to the beat of my own drum and am to a degree what some would say a social non-conformist. I’d like to think that I’m an exceptionally well versed woman with high aspirations.

Yes, for a brief moment I am tooting my own horn. Toot toot.

I am not a typical “baby’s mama”. I enjoy being cordial to all parties involved. One thing is for sure though, I will not be a “baby’s mama” again. Ever. Been there, done that. Not fun.

We all want to be wanted and I personally want to be someones somebody. Almost like an ownership. But not really…

I want someone to say, “Yep, she’s mine…” and mean it. Mean every little word in those three words.

I think maybe I’ve gotten a little impatient in the world of dating because I am still learning how to date and can’t seem to figure out why no one wants me. Or at least wants me seriously. I’m sure it’s something I am doing wrong…I’m not one to point fingers and blame others for my shortcomings. I think part of this impatience is because I am getting older, fastly approaching thirty and would like to have that nuclear family soon.

My eggs are drying up people. They’re not getting any younger; nor am I. I see nothing wrong with catering to a man who loves me and treats me well. I wouldn’t have a problem having a hot dinner ready when he got home, breakfast in the morning and standing by my man.

A good man is deserving of all of that. In my opinion, not enough men have experienced that kind of treatment; this could be one good reason why marriage is on the decline….

..to be continued in the next musing.

It’s not ok to be Brown skinned. In any regard.

Greetings again from the south. The land of  a little bit of tea with your sugar, deep fried anything, big hair, sunny almost tropical weather and the most friendly racist you’ll ever encounter.

Huh? Friendly racist?!

Such an oxymoron, I know. I witnessed this personally this past Saturday night. Now typically, these kinds of things aren’t so overt. Not enough really for even Caucasian people to notice…until Glenwood Avenue downtown Raleigh came alive. I wasn’t present to witness the first portion of this abomination to the human race as I myself was partying it up at a Country Western club. I know, see the irony in it? Anyways, I go downtown to meet up with a friend of mine and when I arrive at the venue (Krave to be exact) there was a lady outside in a dress kind of pacing back and forth with a guy. She was a heavy set African American woman wearing a very form fitted dress. Well, evidently before I arrived she had on some leggings and was told she was wearing workout attire. Well, I am sure she also had on heels to go with those leggings therefore, rendering them null and void of being workout attire. Anyways, the bouncer at the door wouldn’t let her in even though a friend of hers was in this venue celebrating a birthday. Well, I am inclined to believe that at this point the lady was highly frustrated and offered to go home and change with the guarantee that she would be able to gain access to this nightclub upon her return. That didn’t happen. The bouncer STILL would NOT let her in. I was there at that point and saw this part of the whole ordeal. Well, the next thing I know there are three other African American people who try to get in, none of which are dressed inappropriately by typical Caucasian nightclub in the south standards, and of course they are denied access. Now, the general manager of this establishment was standing outside, chatting it up with another patron….

Watching all of this discrimination happen and not so much as parting his lips one way or another. These minorities were not acting the typical part either; they were calm and visibly upset. As they should’ve been.

Fast forward a few minutes and there are two very thin Caucasian females who walk to the door to go in. These two girls were not dressed in outing attire, but rather jeans, flip flops (not even Rainbow sandals) and tank tops. Not dressy tank tops, but the ones that have the curved backing like WORKOUT attire . You know, the ones you can wear that cover a sports bra perfectly. These two girls walk up and have absolutely no problem getting in. A gentleman walks out of this nightclub and is denied access back in. He was also an African American male. I saw this continue to happen until roughly 12:45 am when we left.

By the time we left, there were somewhere around eight people total in the venue called Krave. 510 Glenwood Avenue. If there were even eight people there. I could be counting the waitstaff. Even when I was at a traditionally Country Western club here in Raleigh I didn’t see or experience such racism.I am guilty of in the past looking at certain people and assuming they would be the ones to behave in such a manner. You know, typical Rednecks. However, what I found in my own experience has been that those Rednecks are usually the ones who are very compassionate about the treatment of people. I have had more stereotypical “rednecks” stand up for me than African Americans. Not to say there aren’t racist “Rednecks” because there are, but there are racist African Americans and evidently racist people in positions of clout.

This place won’t survive too much longer practicing patron screening like that. All money is green and I am sure these people would’ve gladly spent theirs in that place had they been treated properly. To the owners of Krave if ever you are afforded the opportunity to read my piece, take note, the ones you are not allowing in very well could be the ones or the one who can buy out your entire place and replace it. Do not ever judge a book by its cover.

The aftershock of Krave. The police were there after 1:50 am. Wonder why…

{taboo. the deadbeat mom chronicles}

You’ve heard the story about the man who helped procreate a child or multiples for that matter. Our society condemns this. We condemn the man who so selfishly allows his sperm to fertilize an egg and make a child with a woman or multiple women and leaves the woman to raise them. Leaves the woman to raise these children alone.

 

On that note, I am channeling my inner Tupac Shakur.

 

That said, why don’t we as a society ever recognize the fact that there are indeed some women who carry these babies for nine months, birth them and then walk away and leave. Yes, I said walk away and leave. These “women” walk out of these children’s lives, abandon them for a man. Or sometimes a woman. Nine times out of ten this is just to be with someone else for the sole purpose of sex. Instant gratification at its finest. Sad right?

 

So many times our focus is so driven on belittling these men who may have once upon a time been there for the woman and her child but fell on hard times. We glorify the men who step in to take care of children that are not biologically theirs because there is a deadbeat Dad who stepped out of the picture. But again I say, why don’t we speak on these pathetic deadbeat moms?

 

Ok ladies, just because you have custody of your child or children, doesn’t mean you’re a good mom. Hell, I know of some personally who have full custody of their children and are always pawning them off on other people. I categorize them as deadbeat moms. If you can’t handle the full ride of motherhood then save the world of another emotional tragedy and don’t have any children. You my friend, are a deadbeat in my book.

 

How many child support posters do we see on a daily basis with the smiling face of a well to do woman who owes back child support on her children. I know you’re sitting there thinking and laughing out loud. I am too. Right there with you. I cannot think of any.

 

Interesting enough, I see this all the time. I see these cases where mom thinks just because she physically carried the children in their bodies for nine months, she’s worlds greatest mom. News flash: you yourself still need to take care of your responsibility.

 

I am a woman. I am a mother. I am a SINGLE mother. So yes, I have the credentials to speak on this subject. I take care of my daughter with a little bit of help from her father. That’s another writing I’ll have to touch on later. Although I am on this side of the perspective, I am also very well aware of what happens to some of these men. There are men out there who will step up and care for their biological children when the “mom” (I’ll use that term very loosely to describe these broads in this context) decides it’s no longer cool to be a mom.

 

Recognize those men while still pressuring the ones who are not there to do their job. Oh and yes, don’t forget there are still deadbeat moms out there.

 

 

Love still (optional)

Insanity can be described by definition as continuously doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. So does that make us all a tad bit insane?

I’d say.

For once, it is very difficult for me to put exactly what I want to say into words. My heart is conflicting heavily with my mind and I don’t really know which to listen to. I am trying to reason with an insane person on the inside who says that I should keep myself guarded and not think so much (my mind that is) but the other side of me is saying throw yourself into it, you never know what might come out of it,…and then the what ifs. It’s a constant war of emotions within the realm of love and being in the vulnerable age group of the late 20’s. I always figured by now, I’d be happily married with 2.5 children in a beautiful cookie cutter home with a decent job, beautifully wonderful husband and sitting back with other married women doing what they do best.

Sadly, that is not the case. I am a single mom with a mediocre job, living in a very mediocre apartment and with some extreme feelings of hopelessness right now. A sudden wave of reality has hit me. I so badly want to leave. I want to start over…fresh. I want to be the new kid on the block and be an unknown. Generally speaking, I am happy. My little darling is what motivates me to do all that I do…and more. However, mommy wants to have someone else there.

Now before my in-box blows up with the multitudes of those who have “tried”, hear me out. If you were the one and there was that much of a bond, then you’d still be around. Clearly something was missing…

Not saying there’s anything wrong with you personally, we just don’t click.

I have met someone very recently that I really would love to be able to love one day. When in his presence everyone and everything else that doesn’t matter fades into an oblivion. In this very short period of time that we’ve interacted has been nothing below amazing on all levels. He’s a gentleman to me, is very aesthetically appealing and has goals and aspirations. We’ve just not been doing this tango for a long period of time and of course, me being very unsure of motives holds part of me back.

But just how long does it take before one or the other lets their wall collapse and enlightens the other on their feelings? How soon is really too soon to feel so smitten for another person that you cannot wait until the next opportunity of togetherness?

It is a bit upsetting when you don’t know if you can say anything of that sort to the other person because of the fear of running them away. *Shrugs* In due time. In due time. “They”, whoever “they” might be say that love comes at the most unexpected of times. This person definitely came at a very unexpected time. I actually NEVER saw any further interaction coming…

Now I can’t seem to get him off of my mind.

Does that really mean love at first sight exist?

One of my best friends is a boy.

Not too many women can say what I am going to say, but that’s what makes me so special. One of my absolute best friends EVER is a guy. A wonderful guy at that. He’s heard my rants, my happiness, my tears, my sadness and has ALWAYS been there no matter what.

He’s told every girl he’s dated that his best friend is a girl….either they like it or hate it. I can’t say there are too many guys who can actually have a female for a best friend and there be nothing sexual at all about it. He is definitely one of those. His current girlfriend is quite the spectacular lady. She sticks by her man no matter what and loves him. She loves him unconditionally…

He knows exactly who he is. I don’t even have to name names…he’s my best guy friend. Ever. Love him and always will and I know he’s going to take really good care of his lady. They’re both quite the lucky pair…

Just wanted to shout out to my best guy friend and let him know how incredibly awesome he is.

Oh, and by the way…your girlfriend really adores you! KEEP HER!!! LOL!

we are our own worst enemy. Ladies.

I am speaking to you. Yes you….ladies. A conversation ensued yesterday of much caliber regarding sexuality and the way men and women view it. It was agreed that men overall seem to feel that they are naturally programmed to chase women. Naturally programmed to be hoes I guess? Maybe.

But what about the sexually exploratory woman out here. The single, beautiful woman who doesn’t care what others think about her and what she does? The woman who elects not to be in a serious relationship because she’s just not interested in all of the strings attached? The woman who just like many men can have casual sex with someone (safely of course) then keep it moving? Let me guess, she’s a ho. To an extent, this is a “taboo” that is unaccepted in a society riddled with double standards. 

My views on this are very simple. Ladies, we are our worst enemy. Now ladies and gentlemen hear me out and listen to my explanation before you pass judgment. Please. Men expect women to keep a certain flair to them. To act like a lady and think like a lady really. This act like a lady think like a man nonsensical stuff is really new in the broad scheme of things. Men don’t usually buy used cars that have over 100,000 miles on it, so I am going to assume the feel the same way about high mileage vagina. Well guys, newsflash, most of those slightly virginal ladies that you’re dealing with are not usually as virginal as they portray themselves to be. We as a whole are masterminds in disguising our sexual escapades. We keep on the hush what we don’t want to ruin our reputation for those ladies who care. Not only this, what makes you guys think we want a man who’s stick shift has turned over the six figure mileage either? We can tell. Oh we can tell my brothas. (That’s a whole different blog I’ll write in the next chapter of craziness)

Women hide what they’ve done from one another out of fear of what their friends will say. We are heavily influenced by our girlfriends unfortunately and usually those are the ones who know everything and will turn on you on the drop of a dime. Hence the reason why men even find out about half of the escapades we do…

When we as women learn to embrace sex in a casual manner if that’s what you like and not give a damn about what a man says, then I promise the double standards should start to fade some. When we stop perpetuating the stereotype that a woman who just happens to enjoy casual CONSENSUAL sex is NOT a ho, then maybe women will have a better understanding of themselves and have a similar self pride that men carry.

So if that lady you were sleeping with over and over and over was just a ho, what exactly do you think that makes you sir?  

{Stay tuned for the next chapter…}